So Glad

That nothing's working out right..

You thought this was going to be a nice, happy post? Well, it's totally not. It's amazing how one little thing NOT happening can change everything that you've been planning and getting your hopes up for.

This morning I was informed that I was not accepted into the London Study Abroad program. I am put on the waiting list and can only go and be officially accepted if one of the people who HAS been accepted drops out. Which, according to the director, 10-30% of people accepted drop out. (mostly for financial reasons) So, there is a slight chance that I could still be accepted.....

So the director told me to come to the prep class anyways, but I can't technically add it to my roster and therefore, I can't drop my Career Explorations class, which I totally hate and is COMPLETELY worthless, and still be considered a full time student..

This just blows. I've never wanted something more than I wanted this. I should have known when I had that nightmare about not getting in that it was probably going to come true. I'm upset that I got my hopes up so much.. Now I don't know what to do except pray and hope that someone drops out because they can't afford it.

Eternal Families

It's weekends like these that I'm truly grateful for family and the fact that they'll always be there for me.

• My grandpa is going to help me pay for London
• My mom is just amazing in everything she does for me/to comfort me
• My brother went out of his way to go grocery shopping and pick me up some things I needed and he's always there when I need a little fix of family time :)
• My sister is awesome and makes me want to be as kind and loving as her every single day
• My other brother is my beacon of strength through hard times
• And, of course, my dad. I don't know what I would do without him. Let's just say, he helped me the most these past couple of days and I don't know if there's anyway I will ever pay him back

I miss my family more than anything right now and, can I just say, I'm so thankful for technology. I know I don't tell them that I love them enough but I'm working on it. I wish it was possible to see and be with each other more often but that's why you gotta make the time you have with them the best! (This is one reason why I love Christmas so much and can't wait for it). I know it sounds cliche but I love my siblings and am so thankful the Lord blessed me with such amazing people in my life,

ADFGK./JKYWTeq hmkfgurye5ghzrxxzrdrsettrdujgdNBWSFTHTSj

sorry, just had to get my frustration out.



In other news......

WE WOOOOON!!!!!


p.s. Club. Was. Awesome.
I. LOVE. To. Dance!!!

O.C.D.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: "An anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by a combination of thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions)... is often used in an informal or caricatured manner to describe someone who is meticulous, perfectionistic, absorbed in a cause, or otherwise fixated on something."

This, ^, is me in a nut shell. I've known most of my life (it's not that hard to spot it) that I was weird and my roommates are starting to notice, too.

Example: I hate their room. It's filthy and even when they do clean it, it's not my kind of clean and there's little imperfections everywhere and it almost makes it worse because I sit there and have to block out the thought  to clean.

Example: our kitchen gets very messy. Not quite so filthy (I'm not that bad of a germaphobe) but just cluttered and unorganized and it bugs the crap out of me. I am writing this at 2:50 because I was doing homework in the kitchen and couldn't concentrate because things were out of order.

Example: when I get bored after I come home from class, I clean. The past couple of days we've been out of dishwashing detergent, therefore, our dishwasher was full of dirty dishes. So, of course, I proceeded to empty all the dirty dishes into the sink and hand wash every single dirty dish in this house, dry them, and put them away.

I'm sick. I can sit here and think of more examples but it's late, I'm dead tired, and I have class tomorrow.
Good Night.

Jaws

You know how sometimes you want something so bad and it just does not look like it's going to happen? Ever? That's how I feel A LOT of the time with this nonsense about my jaw... and I'm seriously so sick of being constantly reminded of my "abnormality".

I woke up the other morning and, after thoroughly brushing those pearly whites, smiled at myself in the mirror and noticed something rather odd.. ("..about a rare bit of magic" NAME THAT MOVIE!!) Two of my teeth were touching. Now this is weird because, these two particular teeth have never before touched each other. Therefore, since I know a lot about the stupid workings of the human mouth, I can deduce that some things are moving inside my mouth.. But it's not my teeth because that's why I wear this retainer. No, no, it is still, and always will be, my jaw moving aka GROWING.

You don't understand how frustrating this gets sometimes. Hoping that it's stopping and that I'll be able to have that bone scan, get the okay, and then finally! have my surgery. But no, this whole teeth-touching nonsense is just another damper on my day because it is a sure fire sign that, the doctors are right, and that it's totally NOT done growing.

In this past year, I kinda came to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be having my surgery because, like I said, everything happens for a reason, and this time the reason was because BYU came first:) and that was all good fun and everything but.. really? Like, really?? 12 years in braces and all I have to show for it is a retainer. I'm technically not even completely out of braces. Maybe God has some things in store for me before the big day happens (London, perhaps?) but still, I'm impatient and I know it.